


If it feels real

by Annerp



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Sex, Lotor isn't a bad guy, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) Has a Clone, Short One Shot, shiro/lotor - Freeform, shotor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 21:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14144700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annerp/pseuds/Annerp





	If it feels real

He lays on his side listening to the steady slow breathing of his lover beside him. Ever grateful to have him back, even if he has to question the truth of whether the man is really back at all. Lotor rolls to his back and stares at the ceiling for awhile before getting up and heading to the training facility to try and clear his head.

As soon as Lotor closes the bedroom door, Shiro opens his eyes and gets out of bed. He became well practiced at pretending to sleep while with the Galra. Enough so, that he was able to fool even the closest observer. And a quiet, sleeping prisoner is often ignored or overlooked in favor of abusing another.

Shiro knows what has Lotor so troubled. And in fact he was bothered by it too. It took some time to come to terms with his reality after he escaped the Galra, with his lovers aid. The memories he has of his time as champion are harsh and filled with pain even as they are tempered with the softness and care he received from the Prince.

 ________________________________________ 

 

Lotor's interest in him was immediate upon seeing the human fighting in the arena and Shiro will not deny he used this knowledge for his own selfish motivations. He wanted something to mask the pain. The beatings, the starvation, the mental abuse and the forced killing in the fights. Lotor offered a respite from all of that and Shiro took it and more, despite the prince's reservations about allowing their relationship to go beyond friendly companionship. But Shiro wanted more and Lotor's resistance came to an end one evening after a particularly brutal fight.

Although Shiro was victorious, he struggled with the knowledge that he had taken another life. This one of a young male of a species he couldn't name. His opponent had cried and pleaded not to be put in the ring and when that didn't work, he fought with a ferocity to save his own life, that surprised the champion. But it was inevitable that Shiro would win and he had to push down the urge to vomit as his opponent's body was unceremoniously dragged from the arena.

Afterwards, he found himself ushered secretly to Lotor’s personal rooms as he often was. As Lotor rubbed a healing balm on Shiro's wounds, like he usually did after a fight, the former paladin leaned in and brought their lips together. It was in this moment, that the last of Lotor's resistance fell and he finally allowed himself to acknowledge just how deeply he cared for Shiro. That night, as they lay, bodies entangled together, Lotor vowed to find a way to help Shiro escape, even if it meant losing his new lover forever.

After that night, Lotor would try to find ways to see Shiro at every opportunity, knowing their time could come to an end very quickly. In the end, they were found out and Shiro became the witch's plaything to experiment on. Much of his time in Haggar’s grasp is a haze, with only pieces of memory and the occasional flash of pain.

The chance to escape came without warning several months later and it was Lotor who made it happen. With one final kiss, the prince placed something small in his hand and pushed Shiro into the ship, sealing him inside, just before starting the automated launch sequence. It took the former paladin some time to locate the castle ship and in truth, it was time he needed to work through the information that was on the device Lotor had given him.

As he tried to slip back into life on the castle ship, it soon became apparent that he was not the Shiro the paladins remembered. His time with the Galra had changed him, or at least that is what he chose to tell himself. In this time, he could not stop thinking about Lotor and wondering what had become of his lover after helping him escape. Those questions were answered when the Prince was brought on board.

On that first night, Shiro found himself in front of Lotor’s cell. The prince sat calmly on the small bed, head facing forward, but his eyes followed the movement as Shiro paced the floor in agitation.

"Why did you send me away?” he finally growls.

“I had no choice. The witch would have killed you eventually, once she was done.”

Shiro stops in front of the cell and looks directly at Lotor, “you could have come with me.” He tries to push down the hurt that threatens to bubble up as he watches the flash of sadness across the Prince’s features.

“I could not. There was still so much to do, so many plans to place into motion,” Lotor reasons.

“And I was an impediment to your plans? Is that it?”

Rising from the bed and striding to stand directly in front of Shiro, Lotor tells him, “you were not an impediment. I had to get you out and there was no guarantee that I would be able to get to you when I left.”

Shiro turns on his heel and walks away. They do not talk about what was on the device. And when Lotor is finally released from his cell, they still do not talk about it. Two weeks later, when Shiro slips into Lotor’s bed unannounced, they still do not talk about it. Nor any night after that, while they lay in each others arms. But Shiro cannot stop thinking about it and as he watches the way Lotor holds back from him, emotionally and physically, he suspects Lotor is thinking about it too.

________________________________________ 

 

Shiro steps into the training room and closes the door behind himself. He makes sure it is locked and cannot be opened from the outside. Lotor immediately spins to face him, training staff held at the ready.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” he says, lowering the weapon.

“You weren’t in bed when I woke up.”

“And you were not asleep when I left,” Lotor counters.

The corner of Shiro’s mouth quirks up as he takes a couple of steps closer, “you could always tell.”

“Only because I know you so well.” Shiro can’t help but see the flash of pain across Lotor’s features. He takes another few cautious steps forward.

“Be honest with me,” Shiro begins.

With a slight nod of his head, Lotor responds, “of course.”

“When did you first know?”

For just a moment Lotor debates feigning ignorance, but he knows it is useless. “I only found out just before you escaped.”

“And you didn’t think we should talk about it?” Shiro snaps.

“There wasn’t time!”

“And when you first arrived? You didn’t say anything then. Or in the weeks after that. Or when I was in your bed!”

Trying to keep his composure, Lotor takes several steps forward to stand directly in front of Shiro. “We’re talking about it now.”

“Okay.” The former paladin takes a deep breath, “Okay.” He reaches out and takes the staff from Lotors hands where he is still clutching the weapon.

“Does this…..do you think me less human? Think less of me?”

Lotor has to think for just a moment. A moment that is long enough for Shiro’s heart to break just a little. “No.”

“If you knew, then why did you sleep with me?”

“Because I loved him. I miss him and he is not here.”

Shiro’s heart clenches, “and if he were to come back now. What would you do then?”

Even though he doesn’t say it, the unspoken question is clear, ‘would you leave me for him?’

“He is not coming back,” Lotor tells him, eyes trained on the ground.

“How do you know?”

Lotor looks directly into Shiro’s eyes. “Because he is dead. At Haggar’s hand. You would have been next and I could not allow that.”

Shiro sucks in a breath. When he finally speaks, his voice is low, “I don’t know where to go from here. I have all these memories, all these emotions and even though I know they aren’t mine, it doesn’t make them feel any less real.” He lets go of the staff and allows it to fall to the ground. “I know he loved you, which means that I love you. The question is, can you love me, as you did him?”

Lotor looks into the eyes of the man before him. If he let himself, he could actually believe this was the real Shiro and not a clone created by the witch. He could believe that this is the man he grew to love. And as he allows his gaze to drift across the man’s features, resting briefly on the horizontal scar just under his eyes, he thinks about laying beside him in bed, watching him pretend to sleep, he thinks about holding him close, about sweat slicked skin. He thinks about the bond they shared, based on respect and friendship, the quiet calm he felt in Shiro’s presence. Mostly he thinks about how that sense of calm has begun to return the longer he is with this man, about how he has been given another chance with the man that he loves. Holding his hand out, he pulls Shiro close, “I believe I can.”


End file.
